I haven’t been able to swallow anything for 36 hours, not even sips of water, anything I try to put down makes an immediate revisit. My saliva is so stringy due to lack of fluids it’s like coughing up Spiderman’s Webbing, with an occasional bullfrog foam bubble about the size of a baseball just for comedy. My fear is that the Doc will want to put in a feeding tube, I’m going to try and hold that off until we get back from Mexico. I don’t think I can partake in pool activities with a feeding tube, nor would I want to freak out other guests. My mind seems to functioning just fine, but a little less confidant maybe as my body withers from underneath it. I’ve lost enough weight now to feel absolutely feeble, and with fewer calories going in I have less and less spunk. Yesterday I couldn’t pull myself into the back of the pick up bed, so I kinda had to do a tailgate tuck and roll to get up in. I went to put a full pan of sauce into the smoker and almost fell into the smoker, thank goodness neighbors Adam and Tony were walking by and could help a fella out! I don’t want to learn to be feeble, even now I keep drinking fluids, hoping they won’t boomerang, but if they do we just keep trying. I have to keep track of my wedding ring as now it is prone to slip off. I’ve purchased all new clothing as I’ve gone from a 40-42 to a solid 34, no longer XL, and barely L.
The last time I saw a picture of my esophagus the tumor had restricted its size to about the diameter of a #2 pencil, the problem hasn’t been pureed food or drink going in, but rather the air I swallow has to use the same route to get out. The air always wins and pushes out anything in it’s way. Some days I can down shakes and food from the bullet no problem, but days like today suck. The worst part is to see the worry and anguish in your friends and families eyes, they are trying desperately for any solution that will add calories to the mix. I saw that DQ blizzards have like 1300 calories, but they also have chunks of candy shit that doesn’t go down very well.
I do feel like this is a temporary issue, eventually either a shunt, or an esophagectomy, or a feeding tube will be prescribed if things don’t improve. But I’m hoping the tumor will shrink soon with more Chemo, so I will continue to drink and return, hoping to fool the body and sneak some calories in!